Dear (um.. people reading this?)
It is with a very heavy heart I write today. One of my longest, closest and of whom I thought of as my only companion , has left me today (for a while, I’m guessing?). What’s worse is that everything is now completely brand new for me. Until today, we saw the same sunrises, were in awe of the same moon, together. I’ve only seen the world through the filter of their perspective. Always. Every moment of my life was a part of theirs.
My other friends said that our friendship was toxic. That this friend was controlling and was playing with my mind, that they are just like every other disease and that I should get medical help. Maybe they were right. But they don’t realise, the person who I am today, the person writing this letter (of sorts) IS because they WERE. And for that I can either be grateful or hate this friend eternally.
I choose the first option, because if it wasn’t for them,
how would I know that the metaphorical sun of my life shines brighter than I thought it did?
how would I know that I am no longer a shattered soul looking at the moon for answers to questions I can’t even comprehend yet?
how would I know, that the nights are not laced with a sliver of anxiety, but instead are serene and peaceful?
how would I , ever , ever sleep knowing that my mind is finally at peace with reality?
how would I know that I too, deserved to feel the warmth of love and affection without the constant fear of not being enough?
Above everything else,
how would I ever know that these dark tunnels do have a light at the ends, and that I would emerge out of them, singing MY tunnel song, in all it’s glory?
And I’m so thankful for these things. Everything I learned from the dark parts of my thoughts, finally closing in.
So, I guess this is it, huh?
Goodbye,
Sweet melancholy.
I hope you mend your wicked ways if and when you return.